The Contentment in the Colloquialism
by bantam-shine
Summary: A series of ficlets in which Booth & Brennan's friends & family react to their good news. Spoilers through "The Change in the Game." Originally written for the bitesize bones LJ community's No Theme Comment Meme. B/B.
1. Baby Mama & Baby Daddy

**Author: **bantam-shine

**Pairing:** Booth/Brennan.

**Rating: **K+.

**Spoilers:** "The Change in the Game."

**Summary:** A collection of ficlets in which various friends & family members find out Booth & Brennan's news.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Bones_.

**Author's note: **I've been in such a fluffy mood since the season 6 finale. I'm not sure how many ficlets I'll do, but it should be a fun experiment, as I've never done a _Bones_ series of any kind. Enjoy! :)

**The Contentment in the Colloquialism**

**Baby Mama & Baby Daddy**

"Caroline." Booth stood, greeting his favorite prosecutor by bussing her on the cheek and pulling out her chair. He signaled for the waitress to bring them coffee and their usual orders.

"Cherie, what's with the sugar?" Caroline eyed Booth suspiciously and took the proffered seat, "And _where_ is your lady squint?"

Booth blushed slightly. "Bones is on her way. Don't call her _my_ lady squint when she gets here; she'll launch into a lecture about the alpha male tendency to metaphorically brand one's mate by -"

"Excuse me, cher? Did you just refer to Dr. Brennan as your -"

Brennan appeared beside the table.

"Good afternoon, Caroline. Thank you for joining us for lunch. I apologize for my tardiness; I got caught in Limbo."

"Is that some kind of squinty purgatory?"

"Limbo is a _squinty purgatory_ of sorts, as it's the Jeffersonian bones storage room where thousands of remains have yet to be identified." Brennan replied primly.

Booth jumped up to hug Brennan. She leaned into his embrace; her arms tightened around him as he rested his chin atop her head. Upon separating, he pulled out her chair and settled beside her. Caroline watched the partners through narrowed eyes. The trio started eating as soon as the waitress brought their food to the table.

"Dr. Brennan, are you aware of what Agent Booth calls you?" Caroline asked, daintily eating her soup.

Booth hissed, setting his burger down, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that, Caroline."

Brennan shrugged, nibbling her grilled cheese. "Booth mostly calls me 'Bones.' Why? Is there another moniker he uses when I'm not present?"

Booth gave Caroline his best puppy dog eyes, but the prosecutor pressed on. "Before you arrived, I asked Booth where you, his lady squint, were. He answered, then requested that I not refer to you as such because of some anthropological mumbo jumbo, inadvertently referring to you as his mate."

"Ruthless." Booth muttered, scrubbing his face with his hands as Caroline calmly sipped her coffee.

Brennan deftly took one of his hands, lacing her fingers with his. Caroline choked mid-sip. She cleared her throat and smoothed her blouse in an attempt to regain her composure.

"While that designation is true in a literal sense, it does not encompass all that I am to Booth and vice-versa."

Caroline slammed her coffee cup on the table. "What are you trying to tell me, cherie? Did you two elope?"

Booth shook his head, squeezing Brennan's hand. His thumb lazily drew circles in her palm.

"Angela said that the proper colloquialism for what Booth is to me is my _baby daddy_."

Booth groaned, "Bones, you're not _just_ my _baby mama_."

"But I'm the mother of your baby, so it follows that I'm your _baby mama_."

"Good Lord! You two are having a child? Who's gonna help me catch murderers if there's a bun in the good doctor's oven?"

"We've discussed the issue with the Jeffersonian and the FBI respectively, Caroline."

"Bones isn't gonna be out in the field as much when she's further along. Not to say that having a baby would compromise our work, anyway."

Caroline ignored Booth and focused on Brennan. "How far along _are _you, cherie?"

"Ten weeks and three days."

Booth reverently laid their joined hands on Brennan's stomach and kissed her temple.

Caroline sighed resignedly. "I believe congratulations are in order."

"Thanks, Caroline." Booth half-glared at her, jerking his head toward Brennan.

"Congratulations, my dears!" Caroline exclaimed, slightly more convincingly.

"Thank you, Caroline." Brennan smiled, "There's something else we would like to tell you."

"Color me intrigued. Go on, cher."

Booth grinned from Brennan to Caroline. "If we have a girl, we'd like to name her after you. Her middle name, at least."

Caroline's bright eyes watered slightly; she dabbed at them with a napkin, "Allergies."

"Would you mind?" Brennan asked.

"Why would I? One _could _argue that I was instrumental in pushing y'all toward baby mama and baby daddy bliss, after forcing a five steamboat smooch upon you that Christmas."

"We've come a long way."

Booth tucked an errant curl behind Brennan's ear. She had come to favor wearing her hair in its natural waves for low maintenance purposes during her pregnancy. They exchanged fond smiles.

"If I hadn't been rooting for you two from the beginning, I'd be vomiting rainbows and sunshine from the cuteness." Caroline rolled her eyes.

_28 weeks & four days later..._

Booth toed off his shoes and squeezed into Brennan's hospital bed to nap with his favorite girls. The nurses giggled at the dozing couple's humorous shirts. Per a puckish prosecutor's request, the couple wore shirts she gifted them with Baby Mama & Baby Daddy embossed respectively across their chests. Years later, they would have to explain the shirts to their teenage daughter, who would stumble upon them while looking for Booth's copy of _Profiles in Courage_. For now, they were content to be curled up next to each other, their perfect daughter, outfitted in a Baby Squint/Agent onesie, sleeping peacefully in the crook of Brennan's arm.


	2. An Honest Man

**Author's note: **a huge thank you to everyone for the awesome reviews (as well as adding this series to their alerts/favorites) on here & comments on the bitesize_bones no theme meme! Let me know if there are any particular characters y'all want me write a ficlet about in the future! Enjoy!

**An Honest Man**

At the assisted living facility, Pops sat at his desk, halfheartedly playing Solitaire in his room, when he heard a knock at his door.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Temperance? You look beautiful, as always." Pops hobbled over to Brennan, leaning heavily on his cane. He glanced at Booth and added jokingly, "Nice to see you too, Shrimp."

Brennan kissed Pops' cheek. Booth and Pops shook hands and patted each other on the shoulder affectionately. The partners entered Pops' room and sat on the loveseat across from his desk.

"A visit from us has been long overdue, Hank." Brennan replied, beaming at her favorite older gentleman.

Pops glanced from his oldest grandson to his lovely partner. Something was different about those two, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Even though he was hard of hearing, he hadn't heard them bickering loudly outside his door as usual, nor was there any sign of frustration between them. In fact, Shrimp had his arm slung comfortably around Temperance's shoulders, which she seemed to not mind in the least. Temperance's right hand rested on Shrimp's left knee, about which he seemed quite pleased.

"Wait a second here – have you two _finally_ gotten your heads outta your backsides and realized you're perfect for each other?" Pops exclaimed, gesturing emphatically at the partners.

Booth and Brennan exchanged grins.

"It's not just that, Pops." Booth paused dramatically.

"You're gettin' hitched!" Pops yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

Booth's face fell for a moment, "Uh – no, we're not getting married."

"Oh." Pops attempted to hide his disappointment, "Then what else?"

"We're having a baby." Brennan announced matter-of-factly, her cheeks flushed.

Pops' eyes widened, "That's fantastic news! No wonder you're glowing – congratulations, you two!" He glanced at Booth, whose smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Say, Shrimp, why don'tcha grab yourself a coffee and Temperance a cranberry juice from the cafeteria?

Booth squeezed Brennan's shoulders and got up. "Sure thing, Pops. D'ya want anything?"

"Nah, I just had lunch half an hour ago, so I'm fine. Thanks." Pops waved to Booth's retreating form.

"You didn't suspect Booth was thirsty, did you, Hank?" Brennan sighed.

"No, I didn't, my dear." Pops cleared his throat, then continued, "You noticed how sad Shrimp was when I thought you two were getting' hitched, didn't you?"

"Yes." Brennan whispered.

"He's struck out twice already. No surprise there, as those blonde bimbos didn't know any better."

"Hank! Rebecca is Parker's mom and Hannah –" Brennan hesitated, frowning.

Pops rolled his eyes, "Don't get me started on Reporter Barbie. All's I'm sayin' is that Shrimp ain't gonna ask again, as much as he'd wanna. He probably doesn't think you'd accept." He studied Brennan's face, "Would you accept?"

Brennan tried to respond, but her voice caught in her throat. Instead, she nodded slightly, biting her lip.

"Temperance, I know how scary it is to love someone with everything you've got. But don'tcha think it's about time the _right_ woman made an honest man outta Shrimp?"

Brennan smiled shyly, "I have never understood people's reasons for getting married, aside from financial stability and ensuring one's legal rights, in the event of an emergency or death." She paused, then added slowly, "But Booth is the man I love. We're having a child together. It makes sense."

Pops beamed, "Glad ya think so!"

Brennan's brow furrowed, "Will Booth be offended that he didn't get to ask? He's quite old-fashioned that way."

Pops laughed, "I think he'll be too speechless to be offended!"

Brennan giggled nervously as Booth returned with a cup of coffee and her cranberry juice. He took his seat beside her, winding his arm around her waist, burrowing his face in her curls.

"Thank you, Booth." Brennan brushed her lips quickly against his and sipped her juice from a straw.

"No problem, Bones." Booth's ears turned red, as he glanced at Pops.

"Ain't nothin' I haven't seen before, Shrimp." Pops quipped.

"Did you two have a good talk while I was at the cafeteria?" Booth asked.

"Yes." Brennan and Pops blurted simultaneously, sharing secret smiles.


	3. The Loophole in the Rule

**Author's notes: **thank you to everyone who's reviewed and/or added this series to his/her favorites & alerts! I appreciate the feedback, requests for future ficlets, & the simple fact that people are reading this series. I'll be alternating between friends/coworkers & family members' reactions per ficlet, so fear not! I'll write everyone's requests over the course of the series.

Regarding Brennan's pregnancy in relation to this series' timeline, she was 10 weeks and three days along in "Baby Mama & Baby Daddy" and six weeks along in "An Honest Man." Once again, we're jumping backwards in time for this ficlet – five days after "The Change in the Game," which according to Stephen Nathan, puts Brennan at a little over a month along, given the time jump between "The Hole in the Heart" and "The Change in the Game." (If you're like me and believe that Booth and Brennan finally making love = instant baby, anyway. Hehe.) Enjoy!

**The Loophole in the Rule**

"Bones, you're never gonna guess what I found – " Booth froze, quickly hiding the shopping bag he held behind his back.

"Booth – I thought we were having lunch at 12:30, not noon." Brennan grimaced as she glanced from Angela, who was perched in front of her desk, to Booth, who hadn't moved from her office doorway. "Come in, Booth. Have a seat. We'll go to lunch shortly."

Booth begrudgingly obeyed. He collapsed in the chair next to Angela, giving her an incredulous look, "Why are you at work, anyway? You just _gave birth_ less than a week ago!"

Before Angela could speak, Brennan answered, "Ange isn't here for work; she needed to get out of the house for an hour or so. Lodge fever."

"Cabin fever." Angela and Booth corrected simultaneously, laughing.

"Bren and I were just catching up, but you got here before we could get to the good stuff." Angela wiggled her eyebrows at Booth.

Brennan swatted Angela's arm good-naturedly, then looked at Booth and began, "I didn't – "

"Look, Bones, what happens between us is ours – but it's also Angela's prerogative as your best friend to know everything about us." Booth cracked a smile.

"That's the loophole in the rule, sweetie." Angela added mischievously, then turned to Booth and nudged him. "Speaking of what's happening between you & Bren, what's in the bag under your chair, G-Man?"

"Well, I – um, it's just – uh – " Booth stammered and found himself involuntarily retrieving the shopping bag from beneath his seat, handing it to Brennan.

"It's from the Apple Seed Boutique." Brennan observed, looking at the proffered bag, and setting it next to her keyboard.

"Wait. Apple Seed Boutique." Angela's jaw dropped, "As in the _maternity_ store?"

Booth started rambling, "I _was_ gonna swing by the florist to pick up some daffodils – "

"My favorite!" Brennan interrupted, beaming. Pregnancy made her alternately more enthusiastic and more zen. Today, it seemed to be the former.

Booth nodded, continuing, " – but instead, I got on I-395 and fifteen minutes later, I found myself in Alexandria. See, the other night, Bones wanted some of her disgusting fake chocolate tofu, non-dairy ice cream – "

"It's called Tofutti, Booth. It's actually quite delicious. You should try it; it has more nutritional value than your regular Rocky Road ice cream."

"Because nutritional value is the factor people consider when choosing an ice cream." Booth commented dryly, then continued, "So while I was in line at the Whole Foods by Bones' apartment, I overheard a couple of ladies who were expecting – "

"God bless the men who try to be politically correct when referring to women who are knocked up." Angela quipped.

" – mention the store, saying that it was _the best_, and that it's a short drive from the city, so I knew I had to check it out and get Bones presents from there."

Brennan gave Booth a stern look. "I was about to share the news with Ange, but you burst into my office before I could."

"Yikes, you've got your professor face on." Booth winced. "Sorry you didn't get to tell Angela first."

Angela rolled her eyes. "You two, I swear! Who cares that Bren didn't get to formally announce it to me? A superhuman squint/agent baby is growing inside her!"

Booth and Brennan exchanged sheepish smiles.

Brennan grinned. "Yes, Ange. Though, I doubt our child is going to have extraordinary powers – "

Booth interrupted, "Hold on a second, Bones. Of _course_ our kid is gonna have super powers! It's _our _kid. Daughter or son of the world's best forensic anthropologist and one of the Bureau's top special agents a.k.a. the duo with the highest crime-solving rate in the District!"

"I don't doubt that our child will be exceptional, Booth." Brennan amended, absentmindedly resting her hands over her abdomen.

Angela squealed, "Your mommy instincts are already kicking in, Bren. You probably don't even realize you're holding your stomach when you and Booth talk about your baby."

Brennan sighed quietly. "You're correct, Ange. I didn't realize."

Booth reached for Brennan's hand and squeezed it. He stood, made his way around her desk, picked her up and deposited her on his lap.

"Booth!" Brennan blushed, elbowing him before settling in his lap, her legs dangling sideways off his knees. She draped her arm around his shoulders and his arms encircled her waist. He covered her hand that was resting on her abdomen with his.

"Aren't you gonna open your present, Bones?" Booth teased.

"Seriously, sweetie. Don't keep us in suspense!" Angela added.

Brennan examined the items as she pulled them out of the Apple Seed shopping bag.

Booth began to explain, "That's the moby wrap thing, it's – "

" – to carry our baby." Brennan smiled serenely.

"I got it in blue because it reminded me of your eyes." Booth's ears reddened as he realized how cheesy he sounded. "The dolphin blanket is supposed to be a security blanket. I figured that was a gender neutral animal and besides, you love dolphins."

Brennan laughed, "Because if you had gotten a pink hippopotamus one and we have a boy, he may feel conflicted about it."

"It's true!" Booth insisted and went on, "The box is an organic pregnancy pampering kit."

"Ooh, what's in _that_?" Angela asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"A box of different teas and a bunch of lotions and girly things I knew Bones would love." Booth added with a smirk, "Bones, you know that I'd give you a foot massage or full-body massage any day, but your right to demand either or both is double while you're pregnant."

"I'll take you up on that when we get home tonight." Brennan remarked slyly.

"It's amazing that Bren didn't get pregnant from the eye sex you two have had regularly for the past six years." Angela snickered.

The partners ignored Angela's comment.

"Thank you for my gifts, Booth." Brennan kissed her partner's cheek.

"You're welcome, Bones." Booth nuzzled her neck, brushing his lips there.

Angela beamed at the deliriously happy couple in front of her. "I can't wait until your kid and my and Jack's kid get to play together and be best friends!"

"As if that was even a question." Booth chuckled.

"We look forward to that, as well." Brennan looked down at her stomach, in awe that that time would come in approximately eight months.


	4. The Way It Works

**Author's note: **thanks, per usual, for the reviews & favorite story/story alert adds! This ficlet features Parker calling Booth and Brennan out on their nonsense. It takes place a week after the previous ficlet, so Brennan is six weeks along. There's also a random allusion to season 3. Enjoy!

**The Way It Works**

"Dr. Bones!" Parker launched himself at Brennan and hugged her tightly. "I'm _so_ happy to see you!"

Brennan returned the eight-year-old boy's embrace, pressing a kiss atop his blonde curls. "I'm happy to see you, too, Parker."

"Parker, be careful! You don't wanna squeeze Bones to death!" Booth gently tugged at his son's backpack, but Parker refused to let go of Brennan. He shook his head, grinning at his partner, "He takes after his old man with his shameless displays of affection for you."

Brennan rolled her eyes good-naturedly at Booth as Parker finally released his grip on her waist. The boy took her hand, swiftly leading her to the patio table by the pool where she had been sitting before he and his dad arrived. Booth smiled as the pair sat beside each other. Brennan poured three glasses of freshly squeezed lemonade. Booth took the seat on Brennan's other side and sipped his lemonade slowly.

"I made you something at school today, Dr. Bones!"

Parker took off his backpack, unzipped it, and took out a crayon drawing of two black fish with bright yellow scales and blue-outlined eyes swimming in the ocean.

"Thank you, Parker. It's a lovely drawing." Brennan's eyes prickled with tears. She blinked them back, inwardly cursing her pregnancy hormones. "I'll display it in my office. Or my apartment, whichever you prefer."

Parker cheered, "Yay! How 'bout in your office? 'Cause it would look nice by your iguana's tank." He chattered animatedly, "As part of science this afternoon — since we've been learning about the animal kingdom — this lady named April came to our class and talked to us about French angelfish. It was cool, but kinda weird."

"What was weird — the lady's presentation or the lady herself?" Booth asked.

"Well, after she talked and we were busy making our drawings, she came up to me and asked if you were my dad." Parker shrugged.

"That is rather peculiar." Brennan's brow furrowed.

"Turns out, she met you and Dr. Bones once 'cause Sweets used to be her boyfriend!" Parker exclaimed.

Booth smacked his forehead and gestured to his partner. "Bones, it's gotta be April the _blue fish_ girl! The one who broke up with Sweets because wasn't a _bright enough_ blue fish or whatever."

Brennan's eyes widened. "_Oh_! We went on a pseudo-double date with her and Sweets at the pottery-making studio a few years ago. You sculpted an _impressive_ horse."

Booth smirked. "Yes, I _did_."

"_Anyway _— " Parker interjected, "— that's why I drew you a picture of the angelfish, Dr. Bones."

Brennan raised an eyebrow. "I'm curious as to why the pair of fish say _Dad_ and _Dr. Bones_ beneath them."

Booth peered at his son curiously. "Yeah, Parks. Why'd ya do that?"

"See the one with eyelashes and pink lipstick, Dr. Bones?" Parker pointed.

"Yes." Brennan affirmed.

"That's you. 'Cause that's the lady fish." Parker pointed to the other fish, "And the one with the eyebrows and a regular mouth is Dad."

"Still not explaining _why_, buddy." Booth ruffled his son's hair.

"That April lady told us that the French angelfish mate for life — "

Booth choked on his lemonade. "What makes you think Bones and I are mates?"

"_Duh_, Dad. _Everyone_ knows _that_," Parker enunciated as though his dad were daft. "Even when Hannah was your girlfriend, it was _obvious_ that you and Dr. Bones would make up, 'cause you guys are _the best_ when you're together."

"Oh really?" Brennan suppressed a smile.

"Of _course_! _Anyway_, French angelfish mate for life and once they choose each other, they're _really_ mean to other pairs of French angelfish who try to come into their territory — "

"Is that so?" Brennan stifled a laugh.

Booth shot her a weary look.

" — which is like when Dr. Bones is at the Jeffersonian and you get _really _mad _really _easily at the people who bring the bones to the lab."

"I just try to help Bones do her job. That's what partners do." Booth protested feebly.

Parker regarded his dad skeptically. "You yell stuff like — _Back off! Let my partner work!_ And you stand _really_ close to Dr. Bones to make sure no one bothers her or sneaks onto the platform, 'cause they're not allowed unless they have her permission. Or Cam's, but really, it's Dr. Bones' decision. Plus, you do the thing where you hold the place in her back where a man holds a lady when they're slow dancing."

"You _noticed_ — that I hold the small of Bones' back?" Booth managed to get out.

"Parker is a budding scientist. He's quite observant." Brennan offered.

"Yup!" Parker nodded proudly.

"The analogy is quite convincing, Booth." Brennan traced his stubbly jaw with the backs of her fingers. He caught her hand, quickly kissing the inside of her wrist.

Parker turned to Brennan. "For you, Dr. Bones, it's like when you visit Dad at the Hoover. You _always_ look _really_ pretty and bring him coffee just the way he likes it. And if lady agents try to be your friend to see what's up with Dad, you look at them like — _Get away from me and Booth or I'll roundhouse kick you in the face!_"

"Ha! I'm not the only one who's territorial." Booth shouted triumphantly, intently looking at her.

Brennan held his gaze and replied dryly, "You _know_ that I don't tolerate _anyone _who employs backstabbing schemes, much less women who feign friendliness in order to get information about you."

The littlest Booth loudly interrupted the partners once more.

"_The point is_ — you guys are like French angelfish 'cause they're an _awesome_ team that kicks butt and goes on adventures to other parts of the sea. Plus, all the other fish in the sea wanna come to your territory, 'cause you guys have the most fun and they _wish _they could be your best friend, too, but they can't."

"And why is that?" Brennan inquired.

"'Cause you guys are each other's best friend. _Obviously_." Parker threw his arms in the air exasperatedly. "Geez, I hafta explain _everything_ to you guys, 'cause you're grown-ups and grown-ups don't get things right away."

"That's for damn sure." Booth muttered, dodging Brennan's light punch to his arm.

"Parker, I'm going to get your drawing of my and your dad's angelfish alter-egos framed so I can hang it in my office above my iguana's tank, as you suggested." Brennan announced.

"Yay! I can't wait to visit you at the Jeffersonian and see it there!" Parker paused, "A big _difference_ between you guys and the angelfish is that when they have babies, they lay eggs. Of course, humans don't do that, 'cause humans carry their babies inside their stomachs. But that's when French angelfish are scariest about defending their territory — when they're protecting their eggs."

"Funny you should mention the breeding habits of French angelfish as opposed to humans, Parker — " Brennan segued.

Booth cut in, "Very smooth, Bones."

Parker jumped up and yelled, "_ARE YOU GUYS HAVING A BABY? AM I _FINALLY_ GONNA BE A BIG BROTHER?_"

"Parker Booth! Inside voice." Booth reprimanded, motioning for his son to sit.

"Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Dr. Bones." Parker flopped back into his seat.

"No apology necessary, Parker." Brennan chucked the boy's chin.

Booth grinned. "The answers to both your questions are yes, buddy."

"_AWESOME!_" Parker cheered. "If it's a boy, I'm gonna teach him how to play catch and about the types of bugs Dr. Hodgins showed me!"

"What if you have a baby sister?" Brennan asked.

"Well, then I can teach her all the stuff you've taught me about the skeleton, Dr. Bones! And we can still do experiments with Max! And I'll keep the baby boys away from her — "

Brennan tossed Booth a bemused glance. "Clearly, Parker has inherited your protective inclinations."

"That's purely good parenting." Booth retorted.

"When's the baby gonna be born? Can I be there to see it?"

"Not _it_, buddy. _Him _or _her_. He or she will be born in about seven and a half months." Booth glanced at his partner, "As far as you _being_ there to see the baby being born, that's up to Bones."

"It's not _just_ my decision." Brennan corrected her partner, "We're in this together, Booth."

"As always." Booth added, not breaking his gaze with Brennan.

"Bleh!" Parker exclaimed, "You guys are _so mushy_ nowadays!"

"Can't help it, Parks." Booth laughed.

"But really, can I be there?" Parker needled.

Brennan replied carefully, "I believe it would be best that you stay in the waiting room with your Pops, Max, and our friends while we're delivering the baby. Then you can come in to see him or her after he or she arrives."

"Sounds good to me!" Parker bounced in his seat, "Can we can go swimming now?"

"Yes, Parker. We'll go up to my apartment first so you can leave your backpack in the guest room. You and your dad can change while I look up the number for the framing shop."

Parker's bottom lip jutted out, "You mean — you're not swimming with us, Dr. Bones?"

Booth pouted, the grown mirror image of Parker. "Bones, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you can't go swimming!"

Brennan sighed resignedly, "All right, I'll join you two."

The Booth men high-fived. Booth carried Parker's backpack and the tray holding the lemonade pitcher and glasses. Parker bolted for the elevator and leaned on the _hold open_ button for his dad and Brennan.

"Booth, I can carry that." Brennan mimicked him, "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't carry relatively light objects."

Booth shook his head adamantly. "Not gonna happen, Bones. Besides, you're already carrying the drawing Parker gave you."

"We're totally gonna have a cannonball contest again!" Parker declared once the partners joined him in the elevator. "That's _another _thing I can teach my new baby sister."

"You believe the baby will be a girl?" Brennan asked as the trio disembarked the elevator and entered her apartment.

Booth set the tray in the kitchen, loaded the glasses in the dishwasher and scrubbed the pitcher.

"Definitely. Dr. Hodgins and Angela had a boy, so you guys are gonna have a girl. That's the way it works." Parker reasoned and ran to the guest bathroom to put on his swim trunks.

"I'm pretty sure it _doesn't_ work that way, buddy." Booth called after him, joining his partner in the living room.

Brennan hugged her partner, resting her head on his chest. "I assumed it didn't work in the _Boom! Mama Bones!_ manner that you posited, either, but I was proven incorrect."

Booth blushed and pulled her closer. "Geez, Bones. When you put it _that _way — "

Brennan looked up at him and asked quietly, "You _do _realize how happy I am, don't you?"

Booth nodded and murmured, "Hopefully as happy as I am."

Parker dashed into the room. "Are you guys making googly eyes _again_?" He shook his head. "Put on your bathing suits! Let's _go_!"

The partners retreated to Brennan's bedroom, but Brennan immediately tried to shoo Booth out.

"Bones, it's not like Parker doesn't _know_ that we — "

"He's eight. He doesn't _actually_ know _specifics_."

"We _just_ told him we're having a baby."

"He doesn't need confirmation of _how _that occurred."

"It's not like we're gonna have a quickie while changing!"

"I don't want to embarrass him."

"Or _you _don't want to be embarrassed."

"You're projecting."

"_You're_ citing _psychology_, a soft science."

"_You_'re purposely being _obtuse_."

"Am I the only one sensing the role reversal of this conversation?"

"Go change in the guest room, Booth. No subordinating conjunctions or regular conjunctions."

"I think you mean, _no ifs, ands, or buts_ — hey, now _you're _purposely being obtuse!"

Brennan reached into Booth's drawer of her bureau and threw his swim trunks at him with a smirk.

"I. Don't. Know. What. That. Means."


	5. Broiling the Sycophant

**Author's note**: thanks to everyone, as always, for the reviews & favorite story/story alert adds! I'm really excited that people are receptive to this series and are enjoying it thus far. This ficlet is a response to athingsublime's request that Booth & Brennan tell someone at the FBI. Brennan gets feisty and Booth loves every minute of it. It takes place the Monday after Booth and Brennan told Parker, so Brennan is six and a half weeks along. Enjoy!

**Broiling the Sycophant**

"Good morning, Temperance!" Assistant Director Hacker stood from behind his desk and greeted the forensic anthropologist. "Might I say that you look _exquisite_ and — "

Brennan interrupted brusquely, "No, you may not."

Hacker's face fell. "No I may not _what_? Say that you look — "

"You may not say _anything_. I'm here to resolve an issue, not to be subjected to your insincere obsequious compliments." Brennan snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously.

Hacker's eyebrows shot up. "Did I do something to offend you? Why don't you have a seat?"

Brennan shook her head vehemently. "I don't anticipate this taking long, so I will _not_ have a seat. Why don't _you _sit down?" Her voice was thick with disdain.

Hacker tugged at his tie and complied. Sweat dripped down his neck and forehead.

Brennan glared at Hacker, yanked her handbag open, and snatched a torn envelope from inside. She threw the envelope at him. "Care to tell me what this letter is?"

Hacker slowly picked up the envelope and extracted the letter from it. He skimmed it and answered, "It's a letter to Special Agent Booth regarding standard partner protocol — "

"Would you be so bold as to read the last sentence aloud?" Brennan asked, daring him to defy her.

Hacker cleared his throat, then read, "Thus, because of your newfound personal relationship with Dr. Temperance Brennan, the Federal Bureau of Investigation hereby severs your partnership, effective in seven days."

Suddenly, Booth appeared in Hacker's doorway, breathless because he sprinted from his parking space and up several flights of stairs to the Assistant Director's office. "Bones! I can explain — "

Still glowering at Hacker, Brennan replied, "You don't have to explain _anything_, Booth. I believe _Hacker_ has a _fair amount_ of explaining to do."

Booth steadied his breathing and continued, standing beside Brennan, "I was gonna handle it this morning, but I couldn't find the letter. By the time I figured out you left the apartment earlier than usual, I realized — "

"I saw it on your dresser. I knew it would be best to be proactive about this issue. I surmised that you would be civil, when this stupidity shouldn't garner _any _civility."

Booth's eyes widened in shock; he hadn't seen Brennan this riled up in years. He figured her trading karate classes for yoga classes had something to do with it. That aside, for the past month and a half, she was especially calm. Being pregnant had transformed her into a completely unflappable, soothing Mother Nature. _This _Brennan, currently present in Hacker's office, was the Brennan of years past who had no qualms about giving a shady judge her right hook. Booth's initial shock quickly wore off when he decided to enjoy what he knew was coming next.

Hacker sputtered, "I — I — "

"You — you — " Brennan mocked, "You _what_, _Hacker_?

Hacker whispered hastily, almost inaudibly, "I was just following protocol."

"Is _that _what this letter was? Following _protocol_?" Brennan spat, "_You _are a _foolish_ man. The tropes about administrative paper pushers in the Bureau can be directly applied to you, if you believed that _following protocol _in regards to my and Booth's partnership was _wise_."

Hacker cried indignantly, "I will _not_ be insulted in my _own_ _office_ — "

Brennan laughed mirthlessly, "Oh, but you _will_ — because only an _idiot_ would dissolve my and Booth's _professional_ _partnership_ on the grounds that our _personal_ _relationship_ has _changed_. This may come as a surprise, but there is nothing _newfound _about Booth and me being together."

"I was under the impression that only _recently _that you decided to pursue a romantic relationship — "

"That may be the case, but Booth and I have cared for each other for — " Brennan paused to estimate, then continued, "— the entire duration of our working relationship."

Booth grinned unabashedly and relished how his partner treated his doofus of a boss like a sleazy murder suspect. The guy was sweating bullets out of sheer fright and couldn't string together a coherent thought. Booth's heart swelled with pride and love for this crazy, remarkable woman.

"What you don't seem to comprehend is that the _consummation_ of these feelings has _not _affected our work." Brennan admitted brazenly, "In fact, it has made us better, stronger, and more effective."

Booth blushed at Brennan's mention of consummation, but reached for her hand and squeezed it. She gripped his hand tightly.

"It would be in _your _best interest to _rescind_ this dissolution of my and Booth's partnership. The _Bureau_ should _not_ lose the team with the highest crime-solving rate in the District because of _your_ pompous delusions about what _you _believe is _right_."

Hacker slumped slack-jawed behind his desk, drenched in sweat. He wanted to retort testily, but fear paralyzed him. Instead, he affirmed with a nod. His voice cracked, "I'll retract the order immediately."

"Oh, and Boss?" Booth openly regarded the eviscerated Assistant Director with pity.

"Yes, Special Agent Booth?" Hacker looked at the agent warily.

"I _could _blame Bones annihilating you on her _pregnancy hormones_ going bonkers, but I'd _rather_ say it was a flashback to her hell-raising days." Booth exchanged smug grins with Brennan.

"You should be grateful that I restrained myself from punching or slapping you." Brennan added seriously.

"Have a nice day." Booth gave his boss a jaunty wave as he and his partner strolled out of the Assistant Director's office, failing to see Hacker face-plant onto his desk in defeat.

As soon as the pair was out of earshot, they started laughing uncontrollably. Still giddy, they walked away from the Hoover and to the coffee cart. Upon receiving their coffee and tea, Booth and Brennan sat beside each other on their usual bench. They held hands, angled toward each other, and sipped their respective beverages.

"Bones, I'm gonna be honest — I wasn't completely convinced that you weren't gonna break Hacker's nose." Booth snickered.

"That was intentional." Brennan quipped.

"I was gonna talk to him first thing this morning. I didn't tell you because I was gonna fix it before it became a real problem — "

Brennan rolled her eyes. "It's like I said, Booth. You would have been _civil_ and at least _somewhat_ respectful. Hacker didn't deserve either."

"You're right about that." Booth's thumb drew circles in her palm. "I don't think anyone's ever talked to Hacker like that. _Ever_."

"I can't believe that I ever went on a date with Hacker — "

"I think he was most surprised that you weren't calling him Andrew."

"Booth, I'm truly sorry — "

"Look, Bones. We're not going there. Because if we go there, we're gonna hafta talk about all the people who _weren't _us that we pretended we could be with. And that's just a conversation I just don't wanna have."

"True. It's irrelevant now."

"Exactly. What's important is that we're here. After _everything_ and _everyone_ that got in the way, we've made it."

"We're together. We're having a _baby_."

"I know, Bones. It's _amazing_." Booth kissed her abdomen.

"Booth! We're in public!" Brennan protested, half-heartedly smacking him upside the head.

Booth dropped a soft kiss on her lips before she could dodge him. "So?"

Brennan confessed, "I have to admit, grilling Hacker as though he was a murder suspect was quite satisfying. I fully understand why you enjoy being in the interrogation room and frightening alleged criminals."

"Remember when you used to say _broiling the suspect_?"

"Remember when you couldn't differentiate between the lumbar vertebrae and thoracic vertebrae?"

"You used to handle bones without gloves."

"You used to part your hair severely with an excessive amount of gel."

"I was just a gambler."

"I was just a scientist."

"I'm still _that guy_, Bones — the one who knew that you'd change my life _forever_."

"_Forever_ isn't applicable to the human lifespan, Booth."

"You used to think that making love couldn't break the laws of physics, when we prove that it _does_ every day — sometimes, multiple times a day. I can wait until you've gathered enough evidence to support my conclusion."

"Your logic is sound. Clearly, we've rubbed on each other."

"Rubbed _off _on each other, Bones. Though, we do the other thing, too."

"Booth! _Public_!"


	6. The Benefits of Being Highly Evolved

**Author's note: **thanks for the encouraging reviews, as well as favorite story and story alert adds! I'm much less swamped with work now, so I'll be updating regularly again. In this ficlet, it's the same day as the last one. Brennan tells Cam at work while Booth tells Rebecca when he drops Parker off from school. Enjoy!

**The Benefits of Being Highly Evolved**

"Dr. Saroyan." Brennan greeted the pathologist with a polite nod.

"Dr. Brennan." Cam rose from her chair and ushered the forensic anthropologist into her office. "I thought you weren't to be disturbed this afternoon because you've been identifying ancient warriors' bones."

"I was, but — " Brennan hesitated before sitting down, "— is this a good time?"

"A good time for _what_?" Cam asked as she and her colleague took their respective seats.

"To talk." Brennan answered simply, as though chatting with each other was an everyday occurrence.

"_About_?"

"The ramifications of the change in my and Booth's relationship."

Cam gasped. "You two _finally _are — "

"You're my colleague and friend, so I wanted to inform you — "

Outwardly, Cam couldn't contain her surprise or excitement. Inwardly, she winced and replaced _colleague_ with _boss_.

"— that Booth and I are together. We spoke with Hacker this morning. Initially, he objected to us maintaining a professional relationship, given our new status as a couple — "

Cam rolled her eyes. "I'm assuming that neither of you let _that _objection stand."

Brennan smirked. "He was amenable to the arrangement once I reasoned with him logically."

Cam pressed her lips together, suppressing a laugh. "Which, of course, you did in typical levelheaded Brennan fashion."

"Naturally." Brennan deadpanned.

Cam leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "It happened the night Vincent died, didn't it?"

Brennan's cheeks reddened. "How did you know?"

"Former cop." Cam quipped, then added, "There's also the fact that, like everyone else, I've been waiting for this to happen for _years_."

"Angela was concerned that it would be awkward for us to discuss this, but I find this conversation couldn't be going more pleasantly, Dr. Saroyan."

"Likewise, Dr. Brennan." Cam smiled warmly. "For the record, Booth has _never _been this happy."

"While that statement seems slightly hyperbolic, I can't recall past instances where I've felt this happy either."

Cam sighed in spite of herself. "Things like this — you and Booth figuring it out — give the rest of us hope."

"How are things with Dr. Lidner?" Brennan asked. "Have you two been able to spend more time together?"

"Things are great, we — " Cam paused, then commented, "I feel like we're in high school — talking about our boyfriends."

"Aren't the terms _boyfriend _and _girlfriend _so juvenile? I wish Booth and I could give each other alternative titles."

"Seriously. We're _grown women_ dating _grown men_."

"Perhaps I should start calling Booth my _man-friend_."

"That's how I'll introduce Paul to people from now on — _This is my man-friend, Dr. Paul Lidner_."

"You and your man-friend should join Booth and me for dinner at my apartment this weekend." Brennan suggested.

"As long as there's wine and your mac 'n' cheese, we're there!"

"I can certainly add mac 'n' cheese to the menu. We can decant an Italian bottle and a French bottle for variety, but I won't be drinking any."

"I'm sure you could convince Booth to take advantage of you if you're _both _tipsy."

"That's not the reason. Even if I _wanted_ to, I _couldn't _drink."

"SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, YOU'RE PREGNANT?"

"Considering you rarely shut your office door, I assume your exclamation is a response rooted in surprise, not an actual demand."

"That would be correct, Dr. Brennan." Cam managed to say, unable to soften her shocked expression.

"I'm approximately six and a half weeks along."

"Congratulations to you and Booth!" Cam squeaked, then panicked, "You're not going to take a sabbatical from the Jeffersonian again after your maternity leave, are you? "

Brennan laughed. "Dr. Saroyan, I wouldn't abandon you or the rest of the team again."

Cam shrank in her seat. "I didn't mean it like _that _— "

"I'm not offended. It was a reasonable question."

"Have you and Booth decided when you'll move in together?"

"Not yet, but I'm fairly certain he'll move with me; it's the most logical solution."

"And neither of you wants to be around ghosts of blonde girlfriends past."

"Harsh, but valid."

"Also known as the type of statement you make. All the time."

"True." Brennan gave Cam a half-smile. "I'm looking forward to dinner with our man-friends at my apartment on Friday. How's eight o'clock?"

"Eight is perfect. We'll bring Booth a bottle of celebratory champagne and a bottle of sparkling cider for you."

—

"Thanks for picking me up from school, Dad! You're the best!" Parker hugged his dad tightly, kissed his mom's cheek hello, then bolted to his room.

Booth greeted Rebecca by politely pressing his cheek to hers.

"Seeley."

"Rebecca."

"Anything you want to tell me?"

"_Maybe _— why?"

"You've got that look on your face."

"I have a _look _when I want to tell you something?"

"I overheard bits of Parker's phone call with Hank last weekend after he visited you and Dr. Brennan. He was _very_ excited. Like, _talking a mile a minute _excited."

"What was he so excited about?"

"I may be blonde, but when have I ever been dumb, Seeley?"

"Is that a trick question?" Booth immediately grimaced, "I mean — no, you're not dumb, Rebecca." He inhaled deeply, then announced with a grin, "Parker was excited because Bones is pregnant."

"You'd think with Parker you wouldn't have made _that _mistake again." Rebecca responded drolly.

"Geez, Rebecca. Thanks for the warm wishes." Booth rolled his eyes. "Parker wasn't a mistake."

"No, but we certainly could've been more careful. I didn't even know you and Dr. Brennan were together."

"Yeah, well, we are. And FYI — we're _ecstatic_. Even if it _is _a surprise."

"What are you two gonna do about work? Your boss can't be happy about this."

"Trust me, Bones handled it."

"Aren't you too old to go through the _having a baby _thing again?"

"Ouch, I'm only a couple years older than _you _— "

"Do you see _me _having more kids?"

"Can't you just be happy for me? After all these years, Bones and I have _finally _gotten it right. Even if we did everything backwards, we're in a committed relationship and having a _child_."

"Have you talked about where you two will be moving?"

"No, but I'll probably move in with Bones. Her place is bigger, nicer, and closer to work."

"I suppose you'll be there every step of the way with her in her _pregnancy journey_."

"Don't give me that shit, Rebecca. Seriously. Any time I _wasn't _there was 'cause _you _didn't want me to be. I'd do _anything_ for Parker. So don't accuse _me _of not being there. _You're _the one who's called the shots on when I get to see him. If you think for a second that you're gonna stop him from spending time with me, Bones, or his new little sibling, you _are _a dumb blonde."

—

"Rebecca didn't have a favorable response?"

Brennan curled up next to Booth on her couch. He hugged her tightly, kissing her temple.

"How can you tell?"

"You're drinking 25-year-old Macallan. Drinking three hundred dollar scotch indicates you're either incredibly thrilled or incredibly frustrated with an event's outcome."

"Her response was on par with Hacker's. Except bitchier."

"Cam was sincerely congratulatory."

"At least we got one good reaction today."

"She and Dr. Lidner are having dinner with us on Friday."

"That'll be fun."

"They're bringing you champagne and sparkling cider for me."

Suddenly, Brennan giggled.

"Care to share with the class, Bones?"

"It's nothing. I was just recalling part of my and Cam's conversation. You know, woman talk."

"I think you mean girl talk."

"I know the term, Booth. It fails to apply in this instance." Brennan giggled again. "I just realized something."

"Will you at least tell me _that_?"

"Both of us shared our news with two of your former lo—"

"If the second syllable is what I think it is, I'm gonna freak out."

"—vers. From an anthropological standpoint, it was necessary to get the approval of your other baby mama and your former lover-turned-closest female friend aside from me."

Booth groaned. "_C'mon_, Bones. _Seriously_?"

"_What_, Booth?"

Booth sighed in exasperation.

Brennan kissed him soundly. "It's a good thing I'm highly evolved and don't worry myself with such trivialities."

Booth rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's something us mere mortals do."

"Goddesses fell in love with mortals — Calypso fell in love with Odysseus."

"The outcome of _this_ conversation will be me drinking the rest of this bottle."

"I was simply trying to cheer you up."

"It would cheer me up if we just decided to be _us_. No historical analogies, no crazy metaphors — just _Booth _and _Bones_."

"_Man-friend_ and _woman-friend_."

"Oh God. Is that what you were giggling about with Cam? Your scientifically correct terms for me and Paul?"

"We can be quite amusing."

"Paul and I are gonna revolt."

"Cam and I will cease to participate in carnal activities you both enjoy so much."

"As though either of you could withhold _anything_."

"This is another instance in which an insecure woman would make a snide comment that you know from experience."

"_Bones!_"


	7. Male Pattern Boldness

**Author's note: **once again, thanks so much for the reviews, favorite story and story alert adds! I really appreciate them. I've gotten a lot of requests for Max and a few for Sully, so I figured I'd include both in this ficlet. A lot of people thought that Rebecca was being harsh in the last one, but there was a reason for that, as you'll see in this one. This ficlet takes place a week after "Baby Mama & Baby Daddy" and a month after "The Benefits of Being Highly Evolved," so Brennan is eleven weeks along. Enjoy!

**Male Pattern Boldness**

"Who's got you so whipped that you're buying _chocolate almond milk_ and using _canvas_ grocery bags?"

Booth spun around, ready to confront a smart-ass stranger. He rolled his eyes when he faced former Special Agent Tim Sullivan, instead.

—

Brennan was so preoccupied with comparing vitamin bottles that she was caught completely off-guard when someone bumped into her.

"Excuse me — " Rebecca winced when she realized who she practically knocked over.

"Rebecca." Brennan narrowed her eyes.

"Dr. Brennan."

"We've known each other for years — please, call me Temperance."

"Okay...Temperance. How are you?"

"Doing well. How are _you_?"

"Y'know, hangin' in there." Rebecca paused, then slowly stated, "Congratulations to you and Seeley, by the way. You look wonderful."

"Thank you." Brennan arched an eyebrow. "I find myself wondering why you couldn't wish Booth the same a month ago."

Rebecca sighed. "I was going through a rough time when Seeley told me the news."

"I fail to see how that's relevant."

"Brent and I were trying, but couldn't."

"Trying _what _but couldn't."

"Trying _to have a baby_, but couldn't. We both went to the doctor and found out I was the problem. He left a week later."

"Your boyfriend _left you _because you couldn't conceive another child?"

"Yeah. It was _awesome_."

"That seems to be the polar opposite of — oh, you're being facetious."

"You can understand why I reacted the way I did, considering Seeley told me two days after Brent left."

"Indeed." Brennan offered Rebecca a tentative smile. "Perhaps you could share this with Booth. It would give your response the proper context."

"I guess I could." Rebecca shrugged. "Too bad he hasn't been accepting my calls. Maybe _you _could _for _me?"

Brennan nodded.

"Thank you, Temperance. I appreciate it."

Before Brennan could reply, Rebecca added shyly, "Congratulations again. You're gonna be a fantastic mother. Parker adores you and this baby will too."

Brennan's smile widened. "Thank you."

—

"Sully." Booth punched Sully's arm a bit too hard.

"Booth." Sully reciprocated with an equally enthusiastic slap on Booth's back.

"How ya been? It's been, what, four years?"

"Almost five."

"Last time I saw you, you were sailing away."

"I'm considering docking my boat at the marina again — for awhile, at least."

"_Really_."

"_Really_. After sailing around the Caribbean, I anchored down in New Orleans, went to culinary school, and worked as a sous chef at a Cajun restaurant in the French Quarter. The executive chef there told me about some shrink-turned-chef who's hiring around here — "

"You wanna work for _Gordon-Gordon_?"

"You _know _him?"

"He was my shrink back when you worked with me and Bones."

"Think you could put in a good word for me?"

"Gordon-Gordon isn't the type of guy to hire someone based on a friend's word."

"It's a good thing you're a former patient, then, and not a friend."

Booth's jaw tightened. "It was nice to see you, Sully, but I'd better get going."

"Don't wanna keep the missus waiting?"

"She's normally very reasonable, but lately, I never know when her crazy pregnancy hormones are gonna kick in."

"Lemme guess — this one's blonde and bubbly — Rebecca 2.0."

"No." Booth gave Sully a steely look. "She's a brilliant, no-nonsense squint with auburn brown hair and the prettiest blue eyes anyone's ever seen."

Before Sully could react, Brennan appeared by Booth's side.

Brennan kissed Booth's cheek. She was slightly taken aback that he didn't look at her, yet instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist. "The pharmacy didn't have my preferred prenatal vitamins, but these will suffice." She tossed the vitamin bottle into the cart.

She touched the furrow in his brow, attempting to smooth it and asked, "What's wrong, Booth — "

Brennan followed Booth's glare, her eyes widening when they landed on Sully. "Oh! Hello!"

Sully opened his mouth to greet the forensic anthropologist, but words failed him.

Brennan looked from Booth to Sully and back. If it were up to them, they would have this stand-off all day. She rolled her eyes. _Men_.

"As much as Booth and I are equipped to handle awkward situations like this, we would rather go home. Goodbye, Sully."

Brennan looped her arm through Booth's and quickly steered him toward the checkout line.

—

_Typical Bones_. She and Booth had just arrived at her apartment — _their apartment_, _as of two weeks ago_, he mentally corrected himself (not that he kept track of that stuff) — when Cam called her from the lab. An archaeologist in India shipped Bones a hundred skeletons from the ancient Asura tribe, so naturally, she abandoned him and domesticity for the skeletons.

Booth groaned as he shouldered the canvas grocery bags. _Damn hippie bags. _Once inside their apartment, he flicked on the lights and tossed his keys into the wooden bowl by the door. As he set the bags on the kitchen counter, he froze. Something was amiss. His sniper sense was tingling. He could hear Bones' skeptical voice in his head, _There's no such thing as a _sniper sense_, Booth. Perhaps a heightened awareness of your surroundings as a result of your sniper _training_, but not an extraneous _sense_. _

Light bounced off something shiny on the coffee table. Booth approached the table cautiously, taking slow deliberate steps.

A Columbus coin.

"Damn it, Max! Where the hell are you and why are you breaking into our apartment?"

Max popped out of the guest bathroom. "Just paying my daughter and my _not_-son-in-law a visit."

"You couldn't just knock like a normal person?"

"It was _way _more my style to b & e and leave my calling card while you two were out." Max glanced around. "Where's Tempe?"

"Bones went back to the lab. Examining ancient remains was more enticing than putting away groceries." Booth smiled, then shot Max a look. "Seriously, Max, why're you here?"

Max flopped onto the living room couch, gesturing for Booth to take the armchair. Booth scoffed. _Leave it to Max to act like the damn Godfather in _our _home. _Still, Booth took the proffered seat.

"I stopped by 'cause I wanted to know why my only daughter couldn't even _call_ to share the news."

"What news?" Booth maintained his poker face.

Max regarded the FBI agent skeptically. "C'mon, Booth. Out with it. Even if I already _know_, I'd like to _hear_ it from at least _one _of you."

"Hear _what _from one of us?" Booth continued feigning ignorance.

"I understand why you two didn't wanna tell me when you first got together, but this is ridiculous!"

"Still dunno what you're talking about."

"I get it. You don't wanna tell me 'cause Tempe isn't here. You're afraid — "

"On the wide spectrum of things I feel for your daughter, _afraid _doesn't fall anywhere on it."

"— that she'll be mad that you told me without her. But she's far too rational for that."

"If you're so sure you _know _something, why're you still bugging me to tell you?"

"It's not every day ya find out you're gonna be a _grandfather_!"

"Yeah, I know." Booth smirked. "You've _been _a grandfather, though. Russ has two daughters!"

"I know _that_, but this is the first time one of my own flesh and blood is _having_ a child!"

"Bones and I weren't _purposely_ keeping it from you — we just didn't know where the hell you were. You're not an easy man to find."

"I'm here _now_, aren't I?"

"Seriously, spare me the _protective criminal dad looking for redemption_ act."

"Tempe would kick _both _our asses if _either_ one of us implied she wasn't perfectly capable of protecting herself."

"She's eleven weeks along, in case you were wondering."

"So I heard through the grapevine." Max asked, "Boy or girl?"

"We've got another month and a half 'til that ultrasound." Booth replied. "But you knew that. You're a scientist."

"Just making conversation." Max shrugged, then appraised Booth once more. "I don't hafta ask you to take care of Tempe and the baby 'cause you've taken care of her all these years."

Booth's ears reddened. "I dunno about _that_ — "

"No, you _have_. You two have built a life together — "

"That's what Gordon-Gordon said."

"The British shrink who's now a chef? I like that guy."

"How do _you _know Gordon-Gordon?"

"Went to his restaurant with a lady friend last week. Great food. A little froufrou for my taste — "

"That corn smut stuff — what _was_ that?"

"No idea. Tasted good, though."

"Food doesn't need a complicated display to be appreciated."

"Agreed."

The men realized they were on the verge of bonding and immediately resumed their usual dynamic.

"I'm just sayin' — you're a standup guy, Booth. Tempe didn't leave her fortress of rationality until she met you."

Booth was about to respond, but Max cut him off.

"I'm well aware that it's my fault she hid in that fortress in the first place, so don't start with me."

Booth nodded.

"I just wanted to offer my congratulations — I look forward to meeting the new addition to your family."

"Thanks, Max." Booth shook the older man's hand.

Max's eyes danced mischievously. "You may think Tempe is too practical to wanna get married, but if you wore her down and got her to _be_ with you, I don't think it's _totally_ out of the question — "

Booth sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, Max. Visit's over. God knows what time Bones'll be home from the lab, but I'm _not_ gonna keep having this conversation with you 'til she gets back."

Max held his hands up in surrender and stood. "Suit yourself. See you later, Booth."

"I don't doubt that, Max." Booth chuckled and ushered the conman out.

—

Booth and Brennan settled in bed, burrowed under the covers, and faced each other.

Brennan propped her chin on her hand. "I saw the Columbus coin in the living room."

Booth flopped onto his stomach, still looking at her. "Max stopped by."

"He's always had a flair for the dramatic. Knocking would've been too commonplace."

"That's what I told him!"

"He knows, doesn't he?"

"Dunno how, but yeah."

"Did he try to fight you?"

"Not at all. It was like he wanted to have not-father-in-law/son-in-law _bonding_ time."

"That's unusual. But not _as_ unusual as seeing Sully at the grocery store."

"You're tellin' me."

"Yes, I am. That's why I said it."

"Bones."

"Sorry — too literal."

"What's _with _today?"

"I'm not sure. It seemed like you and Sully were having a Spanish stand-off in the dairy substitute products aisle."

"_Mexican_ stand-off."

"Regardless, you didn't have to engage him."

"_I _wasn't doing the engaging — _he_ was the one taking potshots at _me_!"

"What did he say?"

"He guessed that my _missus _was Rebecca 2.0 and implied that I was just a former patient of Gordon-Gordon's and _not_ Gordon-Gordon's friend."

"Those remarks were uncalled for _and _completely inaccurate."

"I know, Bones. Still pissed me off, though."

"Speaking of Rebecca, she ran into me at the pharmacy."

"Ugh. Was she a total bitch?"

"Quite the opposite — she explained the reason she reacted so badly to our news."

"PMS?"

"She's unable to conceive and as a result, Brent left her."

"Shit."

"Apparently, she's been trying to contact you to apologize, but you haven't taken her calls."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, but now that you have the full context of the situation, perhaps _you _could call _her_."

"Since when have you been such a people person?"

"Probably around the time you conceded that science helps solve crimes as much as cops do."

"I dunno about _that_ — "

"Booth, even if Sully relocates here and works with Gordon-Gordon, he couldn't _replace _you — "

"Did I _say _I was worried about that?"

"No, but I'm aware of how much you value Gordon-Gordon's friendship — which he reciprocates, lest you had any doubt."

"I'm gonna say it again — since _when _have you been such a people person?"

"You are a better friend — no, a _better man_ than Sully could ever hope to be."

"Don't feel obligated to boost my ego with exaggerated claims, Bones. I promise, I'm fine."

"You _know _I only speak the truth."

"You _do _love facts."

"It's an objective evaluation — you're the _best _man I know."

"What factors are you considering to quantify _the best_?"

"Is it _that hard _to accept that fact?"

"It's a lot to live up to, is all."

"It's a good thing you think as highly of me, then."

"Now _there's _the Bones I know and love."

"You love me?"

"Of course I do! I dunno why I haven't _directly_ said it _out loud _'til now. _I love you, Bones_. Not _just _in an _atta girl_, _professional _way. Not _just _because you're my baby mama. But 'cause you're the standard."

"We'll strive to live up to the standards to which we hold each other — _together_."

"That and making you, our baby, and Parker happy — that's my life plan."

"Between our common goals and physical and emotional compatibility, we're going to be excellent parents, Booth."

"You're not gonna say stuff about our physical compatibility around our kids, Bones."

"I feel contrite that you've been conditioned by the Puritanical mores of American society and feel discomfort in discussing such things._"_

"I feel contrite that I didn't give Sully a right hook — it would've made this lecture worth it."

"Regardless, you love me."

"So? The feeling's mutual."


	8. A Matter of Taste

**Author's note: **thanks so much for the reviews and favorite story & story alert adds! So sorry I haven't updated sooner! I referenced Gordon-Gordon several times in the last ficlet because he's featured in this one, as is another character. (You'll notice that I mock this character's awkward emphases in conversation.) This ficlet takes place a month after the last, so Brennan is fifteen weeks along. Enjoy!

**A Matter of Taste**

"Gordon-Gordon — my man! It's good to finally see you!" Booth greeted the psychiatrist-turned-chef with a grin and an enthusiastic handshake.

"It's good to see you, as well, Agent Booth." Gordon-Gordon smiled warmly at the agent. He turned to the forensic anthropologist and pressed his cheek to hers. "You love positively radiant, Dr. Brennan."

"Thank you, Dr. Wyatt." Brennan beamed.

"I made the career change to the culinary arts long ago, Dr. Brennan. Please, call me Chef. Or Gordon-Gordon as your other half does."

Booth and Brennan exchanged sheepish glances and followed Gordon-Gordon into his empty restaurant. The partners hadn't seen the chef in over a year and wanted to update him on their life together. They asked him to join them for breakfast at the diner, but he insisted on cooking for them.

Gordon-Gordon sneaked them into his restaurant at 4 P.M., several hours before it opened for dinner. He wanted them to enjoy the intimacy of chef's table without having to eat in a hot bustling kitchen. He seated them at a table in the center of the restaurant and poured a glass of Chardonnay for Booth and a glass of Perrier for Brennan.

Gordon-Gordon noted that the pair was dressed in complementary outfits (probably unintentionally). Booth wore a light blue sports shirt, grey pants, his cocky belt buckle and black Vans, while Brennan wore a sleeveless royal blue maxi dress with a v-neck that kept distracting her partner and matching sandals. Their relaxed body language indicated that they were much more at ease with each other since they dined with him last.

"Chef, what's on the menu this evening?" Brennan asked.

"I've prepared three courses to suit _both_ of your tastes." Gordon-Gordon responded mysteriously and headed to the kitchen.

Brennan sipped her sparkling water and frowned. "Our palates don't have much overlap."

Booth shrugged and drank his wine. "I dunno, Bones. _You_ force me to eat more vegetables than I usually do."

"Perhaps you're right. Since _you_ declared yourself the apartment cook, I've eaten more poultry and meat in the past _six weeks_ than in the past _six years_ because you're under the impression that tempeh and tofu don't provide as much protein."

Gordon-Gordon returned to their table with a waiter in tow. The waiter placed a large square plate in front of the partners and hurried back to the kitchen.

"For the first course, I put my spin on _pommes boulangères_, garnished with sautéed spinach in each corner of the plate."

Brennan inhaled deeply. "Do I detect _truffles_?"

"You have a chef's nose, Dr. Brennan." Gordon-Gordon winked. "I made this because of Agent Booth's penchant for French fries — or anything with potatoes, really. And I figured that the truffles would appeal to your slightly more — " He waved a hand, as though to grab the word he was looking for from the air.

"Sophisticated taste?" Brennan suggested.

"Hey now — my taste is plenty sophisticated!" Booth interjected.

"I was going to say _adventurous_, but _sophisticated_ could be an accurate descriptor." Gordon-Gordon joked and headed toward the kitchen.

The partners didn't bother dividing the appetizer onto their small plates. They huddled over the large plate, sampling the dish and occasionally feeding each other bites.

Booth lifted his nose, impersonating a pretentious food critic. "The truffle shavings elevate the richness of the dish."

Brennan laughed, but went along with the charade. "The spinach offsets the onions' sharpness."

"The potatoes were flawlessly executed."

"This is a rare instance in which I want _more _butter — truffles really _do _make everything better."

For the main course, Gordon-Gordon presented a broiled thyme crusted salmon filet on a bed of arugula and a pomegranate and lentil couscous, which the pair divvied up on the presented plate. The chef joined the partners for dessert — almond pumpkin beignets drizzled with a pineapple chocolate sauce and sprinkled with candied bacon.

"Gordon-Gordon, you've outdone yourself." Booth patted his stomach and leaned back in his chair.

"_Everything_ was _delicious_." Brennan sighed contentedly, then added, "I couldn't help but notice a trend in the dishes — "

"Oh?" Gordon-Gordon raised an eyebrow, speared the last beignet with his fork and popped it into his mouth.

"The most prominent ingredients in each dish were aphrodisiacs."

Booth choked while sipping his wine.

Gordon-Gordon smirked. "You caught me, Dr. Brennan!"

"Feeding us aphrodisiacs wasn't necessary, Chef."

"_Bones_!" Booth hissed.

"_What_, Booth? It's _true_!"

"There's another common characteristic to the featured ingredients from tonight's menu."

Brennan's eyes widened. "Each dish included foods that pregnant women should eat."

"Oh dear, was I mistaken? That would be a terribly embarrassing thing to imply if it weren't the case — "

"No, Gordon-Gordon, you're right."

"Thank heavens! Congratulations, you two! How far along are you, Dr. Brennan?"

"Approximately fifteen weeks."

"I take it Agent Booth is making sure you don't lift a finger."

"Almost to the point of annoyance. The incapability to help oneself isn't a symptom of being pregnant."

"I _like _pampering you, Bones."

"I appreciate it _most _of the time, Booth, but sometimes, I want to cling to any semblance of normalcy as my body changes into an unrecognizable form — "

"_Bones_. You're beautiful. _Always_."

"I'm aware of _that_, but it doesn't make it less disconcerting to see my stomach balloon — "

"Dr. Brennan, if I were a stranger passing by, I wouldn't have thought you were expecting. And I'm sure you've noticed that Agent Booth is too distracted by your ample bosom to glance at your stomach."

"Way to call me out, Gordon-Gordon."

"Any thoughts on baby names?"

"I have a feeling it's gonna be a girl — "

" — which I told him isn't a valid predictor of a baby's sex."

" — and while we have no clue about first names for either sex, we've agreed that if the baby is a girl, her middle name will be Caroline."

"After the puckish prosecutor Caroline Julian?"

"The very same."

"It's a rather silly sentiment, but I'll voice it anyway — I'm proud of you two."

"For procreation? Because breeding is what has sustained the human race — "

"No, Dr. Brennan." Gordon-Gordon chuckled. "For — excuse the vulgarity of this phrase — _getting your shit together_."

The partners laughed as the waiter cleared the table and Gordon-Gordon shooed them away.

—

"Temperance?"

The hairs on the back of Brennan's neck stood. She slowly turned around. "Hannah."

Hannah launched herself toward Brennan, about to embrace the forensic anthropologist. The reporter pushed Brennan's sunglasses from her nose to rest atop her head as she eyed the brunette. "_Oh_, I guess _we're_ not _hugging_."

Brennan's mouth straightened into a firm line. "You guess correctly."

"_How_ have _you _been _doing_?"

"Very well, thank you." Brennan replied briskly.

"You look _gorgeous_." Hannah nudged Brennan, "Where'd you _get_ the _dress_? I _bet_ I could _rock_ one _in_ green — we _could_ be _twins_!"

"I highly doubt that, considering it's from the Apple Seed Boutique."

"The _maternity _store?"

"The same."

"_May _I _ask _— "

"I'm not sure why you're seeking permission, as you interrogate people for a living."

" — _who _the _father_ is?"

Booth popped out of Gordon-Gordon's restaurant, keys swinging on his index finger. "Can't believe I almost left our keys on the table — let's go, Bones!"

Booth wrapped an arm around his partner's waist, wondering why she remained stationary. He did a double take when he saw the blonde reporter and hissed, "_Hannah_."

"Seeley! I was just catching up with Temperance. She was just about to answer my question about who the father of — "

Booth interrupted, "_I _am the father of her baby. But obviously, I'm more than that. We're together — not because of our child, but because we've finally gotten it right."

Brennan rolled her eyes. "For being a self-designated _excellent_ reporter, your deductive skills are subpar."

"_I_ — _you_ — " Hannah stammered.

Brennan plucked her sunglasses from Hannah's head and put them on, further paralyzing the blonde with shock.

Booth smirked and began, "Y'know what they say about a lady's second trimester — "

" — her pregnancy hormones make her do highly irrational things." Brennan finished and kissed Booth's cheek. "_Now _I'm ready to go home, Booth."

—

Brennan leaned back and settled in Booth's arms, resting hers over his. He nipped her neck teasingly. She splashed at him in mock annoyance.

"A bubble bath was a good idea, Booth."

"We deserve it after the awkward run-in we'll never talk about again."

"At least it occurred _after _dining at Gordon-Gordon's."

"We would've lost our appetite, if we'd seen that bitch — "

"_Booth_!"

" — before dinner."

"While you were retrieving our keys and she started a monologue _at_ me —"

"She didn't even _attempt_ to engage you in conversation?"

"No. Thus why I kept fantasizing about gauging her eyes out."

"_Damn_, Bones!"

"Booth. She acted like we were as close as Ange and me."

"Which pissed you off, naturally."

"Ange would say that Hannah is what is commonly referred to as a _frenemy_."

"Can't argue with that...or with the fact you took back your sunglasses."

"Are you aware of when she asked for them?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're gonna tell me."

"I was visiting her in the hospital —"

"— when she got shot. Wait — was this _before_ or _after_ you looked at her x-rays and corrected her quack of a doctor?"

"_After_."

"So _you _saved _her _life and _she_ demanded _your_ sunglasses?"

"She attempted to _bond_ by using anthropology to justify _taking_ my Gucci sunglasses."

"The _nerve _of that woman — "

"Upon reflection, I know that I wasn't _coerced _into giving them to her; I did so because it was important to be on good terms with her, as — "

"Bones. Please _don't_ finish that sentence. That train wreck was one of the _biggest_ mistakes of my life."

"I highly doubt — "

"_Seriously_."

"That night when we were sitting in your car and I told you that I was afraid I missed my chance — "

"It _killed _me to not hold you and carry you up to your apartment myself."

"I know that _now_."

"I thank God every day that _I _got a second chance with you."

"You know I don't believe in God."

"You used to believe that romantic relationships were ephemeral."

"You used to keep a cosmic balance sheet."

"You used to date cult leaders and spineless professors."

"You used to have a penchant for blondes."

"Our tastes have gotten better."

"Clearly, our tastes have improved with age."

"Like fine wine."

"Or mold, in Hodgins' opinion."

"Gross, Bones."

"One would think that after being my partner for _this _long, you wouldn't be squeamish at the mention of _mold_."

"One would think that after being _my _partner for _this _long, you wouldn't get all squintily offended that I'm not fascinated by mold."

"I can think of something that may capture your attention."

"Geez! Warn a guy, Bones!"

"I thought that was what I was doing when I said — "

"Bath time's over."

"Eek! Where are you taking me, Booth?"

"Our bed."

"But we should dry off first — "

"Screw that. You obviously need tangible evidence that we're fine wine."

"We're mold."

"In a second, mold is the last thing that's gonna be on your mind."

"_Really_."

"All you're gonna be saying is my name. Or _more_."

"Promise?"

"Always."


End file.
